I like telling people what to do. I'm good at it. I make a living at it. I say jump, and others say "how high?" If that were necessary, which it's not, because I've already negotiated a contract that specifies height, depth, and width. Literally.

But some things I can't control. Like the UGF going into emergency surgery on Friday. There's nothing I can do about that. I cannot tell A to be at B at such a time to do C, and don't fuck up, damnit, because that's my life you're cutting into, my heart, my raison d'etre.

All I can do is wait, and worry, and love, and shake the cat's litterbox twice a day.

It doesn't seem like enough.

I'm having some sort of post-Nanowrimo, holiday, seasonal affective disorder. Also know as ennui. Apathy. Lack of motivation, drive, ambition, or anything resembling such. Mostly I'm listening to more pop than is probably safe (will too much Auto-Tune really make one's head explode), rereading classic Sentinel fics (thank you, Wayback Machine!), and eating buckets of rice noodle soup (there is no bad, here). I'm avoiding the many, very costly, things that I should be dealing with. I just can't cope.

I didn't make word count for Nano, but I didn't really expect to, so that's okay. My writing workshop has been good, edifiying and challenging and all that jazz-- I'm looking forward to this weekend's meeting. It's weird, though, because I've never taken any sort of writing class or workshop, before, so I feel like a total tyro. It's not a feeling that I'm used to, not anymore. At my age, I've been around most blocks at least once, but this... it's odd. And I'm not hip. Oh, no no no, not at all. I feel old, straight, and slightly embarrassed, in fact. Also, massively amused. After last weekend, I will never again be able to think about Bruce Springsteen without blushing. Not that I have spent much of my life contemplating the man, but now, should I do so, I will be unable to avoid also thinking about hankie codes, anal fisting, and Born in the USA. Sentinel fic actually suits this, somehow, like a side of green beans with roast chicken and potatoes.